Hanging with the Dub R

Day 10 7.25.06 Leaving Harrisburg, PA; Entering NYC; Staying with Ray; Eating pizza at Grimaldi’s

I left Harrisburg, PA, this morning and stopped by a Cracker Barrel. This place is fast becoming the official restaurant of my walking the earth trip. Upon hitting New Jersey, I encountered something I haven’t seen since LA: traffic. I don’t miss it one bit.

But it is good to see a Metropolis after days of driving through tobacco fields and rolling hills. I take the Lincoln Tunnel into NYC to plunge myself into the belly of the beast. And you know what? I love driving around Manhattan. I must’ve been a cabbie in a past life. It only took me a couple minutes to learn the secret to being a successful driver in NYC, which is you cannot be afraid to hit a pedestrian. They are the enemy and you can’t give them an inch, because they will take it. I drive through Times Square and Madison Ave during rush hour because I really don’t care. From the urine covered crack addict to the prada wearing socialite, I will hit every one of them with the hood of my car. Everyone except Jeremy Shockey. He’s on my fantasy football team.

I make it to Harlem (which wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be), and search for a parking spot. I finally find one in front of the playground where the Blacks and Puerto Ricans supposedly fight each other on the weekends. I make the two block trek to my friend Ray’s place. Here’s a little background on the Hard Knock Hustla, for those who just don’t know:

Ray is a loyal Dodger fan who now lives in Spanish Harlem. He was my brother’s roommate in college when I first met him, and we were introduced to each other while I was in my underwear and watching pro wrestling. When my sister-in-law had a baby shower last year, everyone was surprised he wasn’t the one who bought the breast pump. He has a crush on a girl right now mainly because she’s so “plain looking”. Some of his ambitions are to own ONLY designer underwear by the end of the year and to “look cute.” And he still manages to pray a rosary every night. With a friend like this in NYC, I knew I was in good hands.

I get to his place and I’m surprised how spacious his living room is. Don’t people live in broom closets in the city? I check out his bedroom and, oh, at the least the living room is spacious. I meet all his mormon roommates, including the strange one who’s a cross between the weird kid with the video camera in American Beauty and George McFly. Supposedly they all like to go to the club, NOT drink, and dance up a storm.

After some cooling off and catching up in his apartment, we head on over to Brooklyn to get some pizza from Grimaldi’s, which is supposed to be the best pizza in the city. On the way there, we talk about his crush and he wonders how he should go about approaching her. I give my two cents, but he shouldn’t really listen to me because I suck at that stuff myself.

The pizza is great, and I get buzzed from just drinking half a carafe of wine. I blame walking the earth for giving me the tolerance of a teenage girl drinking boone’s for the first time.

Tomorrow I’m moving onto Salem, Massachusetts to hunt for witches!

Having a Five-Way and checking out busts

Day 9 7.24.06 Leaving Cincinnati, OH; Canton, OH, The Pro Football HOF; arriving in Harrisburg, PA

Long, long day where I left Cincinnati, checked out the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, OH, got lost in Amish Country, and then ended up staying in Harrisburg, PA. My initial plan was to make it all the way to Philidelphia, but that was too ambitious. I checked into Motel 6, in Harrisburg, at 2am. Here are some highlights of the day:

- Went to this popular joint in Cincy called Skyline Chili and had what’s called a five way: Chili on a bed of spaghetti, with onions, beans, and cheese on top. It was excellent in Cincinnati, but terrible by Pittsburgh, if you know what I mean.

- Pro Football Hall of Fame: I thoroughly enjoyed Canton, but that was a given. It really got me excited for the football season. What was funny, though, was how some busts totally didn’t look like the player it represented. They were worse than the bust in that Lionel Richie video where he falls in love with the blind girl.

- Turnpikes suck! I took the Pennsylvania turnpike for only half the length of the state, and it cost me 12 bucks. Aren’t my tax dollars already paying for roads? Can someone enlighten me on why I have to pay to drive on these roads? And give me the lowdown on bridge tolls too.

Onto big, bad NYC tomorrow, with special guest, the Hardknock Hustla himself, Ray!

Hooch, Hiking, and Hot Spots


Day 7-8 7.22-7.23.06 – Nashville: The Jack Daniels factory, hiking the Fiery Gizzard Trail, The Parthenon; Traveling to Cincinnati

So I thought it’d be a good idea to give a little deep background about the generous people who’ve been willing to take this vagabond in for a few days.

Robin is one of my oldest and best friends. She works for the state of Tennessee and is a mother to be. She listens to Garrison Keillor and is “always right.” If she wasn’t such a loyal Democrat, she’d make a great fascist. She knows I kid.

Simon is Robin’s husband. He’s getting his PhD in geology, but his true passion is to spread the word of his religion, ala L. Ron. It centers around a special lobster with magical abilities. He powers of persuasion are so powerful I’m ready to move into his compound and stockpile assault rifles.

I spent one and a half days in Nashville, then left for Cincinnati. Here are the highlights:


- Jack Daniels Factory: fascinating tour about the history and process of making Jack Daniels. I came ready with my 2 liter of coke, but, ironies of all ironies, the county that the factory lies in is dry! Which means Lynchburg, Tennessee is officially a town I don’t want to live in. Anyways, the tour is great. The process to make whiskey is surprisingly simple, and they even let us stick our heads in the vat of fermenting mash (ewwhooo weee!) Our tour guide had the thickest southern accent I’ve ever heard, but he never called me “Boy” once.

- We ate at this great BBQ place called the Caboose Café and I got the pulled pork sandwich. BBQ is officially becoming the official food of walking the earth. There was also a bluegrass band playing while we ate.

- I got the Simon and Robin’s personalized tour (with running commentary) of Nashville’s Mega Churches and McMansions, which are basically huge track homes. (I’m sure the LA equivalent is a 3 bedroom house in Ladera Heights.)

- Hiking the Fiery Gizzard Trail: Simon and Robin took my declaration to walk the earth literally and suggested hiking this trail in the forest. The trees, river, rocks are all beautiful, and I’m sucking wind. Simon points out a plant to not touch; it’s poison ivy. I’ll keep it simple and not touch any plants, period. I’m really glad they took me here. It’s a good change of pace to all the other things I’ve seen thus far.

- Parthenon: it’s supposedly an exact replica of the one in Greece, except that it’s intact and has a wi-fi hot spot. Take that, Zeus!


- Ruff Ryders: As I was leaving Nashville, I saw a couple of guys on racer bikes doing tricks on the interstate. I catch up next to them, show them my camera, and they proceed to give a show for me! They’re unleashing a barrage of tricks, all while going over 70mph and weaving through traffic. It’s probably the highlight of my trip thus far.

- Driving through Kentucky was a very pleasant visual experience. Lush, grassy hills. Large, fertile corn and tobacco fields. Zero double wide trailer homes.

I arrive at my hotel at 9pm and then try out, for the first time, a waffle house that’s next door. It’ll be the first, and last, time I try waffle house. Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day so I try to get some sleep.

Thanks for the good time, Robin and Simon. Hope to see you two again, plus one, soon!

It’s too hot for the cheese!

Day 6 7.21.06 Visiting Graceland, Beale St., and Sun Records in Memphis, then traveling to Nashville

Hello, hello, hello my little droogies,

Lotsa good stuff happening on a day that when it’s over 100 degrees with about 70% humidity. I won’t be reiterating the fact that it’s unbearably hot. Just assume that it is every day. I spent the day sightseeing in Memphis. Then I made the three hour trek to Nashville to stay with my friend Robin and her husband Simon. Here are the highlights:

Graceland – Surprising all the around. The first thing that first sticks out is how modestly sized the house is, especially for Non LA/NY standards. I mean, aren’t you able to get a mansion in Memphis for the price of a studio apartment in LA? Maybe the Graceland tour was just one big jack off session to the King, but I looked beyond the fluff and came away liking the man. Of course, there was the sequin outfits and videos of him doing karate and more kitch than you can shake a stick at, but there was a true innocence about the whole deal. Also, his parents lived with him. So that means that the most (arguably) successful rock star of all time lived with his parents until the day he died! Am I the only one who can’t comprehend this?

Beale St. – That’s the hotness, and I wasn’t even there during the night. It’s just two blocks long, but every bar and juke joint looks that it could be more fun than one’s allowed to have. I think this place gets both Hyphy and Crunk at the same time during the night. This is the first time I feel regret for not pushing others to come with me. It would’ve been great to be with friends and hit the Beale at night.

Sun Records – Well, it’s the Mecca to all roots music fans. The place where rock was created. Howlin’ Wolf. Ike Turner. Elvis Presley. Carl Perkins. Johnny Cash. Jerry Lee Lewis. Roy Orbison. They all got their start here. I’m a sucker for this stuff.


I arrived in Nashville at night and Robin drove me around the city, giving me a tour. We drove around the downtown area, to all the country bars, and music city row. It’s no Memphis, I’ll tell you that much.

Being The Searcher

Day 2 7.17.06 Leave Kayenta, AZ, visit Monument Valley, Four Corners, arrive in Albuquerque.

So I made it through the night without waking up in a bathtub full of ice, with my kidneys removed. I’m estactic, to say the least. As I’m checking out, an old Navajo man who looks like Paul Sorvino, is intensely staring at me. Maybe he’s just staring at my ridiculous “walking the earth” travel hat. (Note to self: keep the hat wearing to a minimum.)

The outside of my hotel looks beautiful in the morning. This is the first hotel I’ve ever stayed at with a canyon behind it. The landscape is amazing. It’s my very most favoritest state ever and of all time. In list of top states visited so far, it’s number one. I’ve visited two thus far.

I head over to Moument Valley, and what can I say? Sorry, but the pictures just cannot do justice to how it is here. They actually allow you to drive down into the valley, which I do. It’s a rocky dirt road, which ensures that I will be a getting a flat tire by Oklahoma. Being surrounded by the desert and buttes is an amazing experience. There’s a reason why John Ford always filmed his westerns here. I suggest you all quit your jobs right now and head over here right now. The Grand Canyon may be for the masses, but Monument Valley is definitely for the cool kids. God, the Grand Canyon is such a sellout.

Nearby, there was the four corners monument, so I decided to visit it on a whim. It’s the only place in the US where you can stand in four states at one time. Arizona, Utah, Colorado, and New Mexico. For 4 bucks, you can stand in four states. So I stood in all four states. That was fun…..time to drive to Albuquerque. I also ate fry bread there. Hmmm.

The scratchy throat I’ve had all day has developed into full blown sickness by the time I get to my hotel in Albuquerque. Uh oh. This could be a problem.

This is a bit of a Rattlesnake.....

Day 4 7.19.06 Drive from Albuquerque to Oklahoma City

Today was a long travel day for me. I left New Mexico, drove through Texas, all the way to Oklahoma City, 10 hours in all(stops included). All on the I40 east. I got a pain in me gulliver, but, at the same time, I’m starting to feel better from this cold. Good part about being sick while driving is that (at least, for me) I don’t get sleepy while driving. Don’t get me wrong, I’m tired as hell, but the discomfort of being sick keeps me from passing out….if that makes sense.

Anyways, a few noteworthy events to write about:

- Before I even entered Texas, I started seeing billboards touting this free 72 oz. Steak. Is this THE place that didn’t charge you if you finished the steak? Well, I had to go, just out of principle.

So I pull into the Big Texan in Amarillo. What a place! Big, kitschy, and big. They sit me next to a German couple who were also driving cross country, but heading west instead. I ask them what they think of the place, and they love it. This doesn’t surprise me because anyone who would be a fan of Hasselhoff would also be a fan of the Big Texan. It’s just logical.

Whoever decides to take the challenge sits on an elevated table for the entire restaurant to see, with a big timer behind them counting down the hour. I decided not to mess with Texas and stick with the 10 oz. sirloin. Pretty good stuff. Also on the menu is fried rattlesnake! When am I gonna have another chance to try snake, so, of course, I order it. They didn’t have the rattlesnake, but I promised myself I’d be back. When it’s time for Walking the Earth Pt 2: Walk Harder, I’ll definitely have a little bit of rattlesnake. I may even take the steak challenge.


-Right before the Texas, Oklahoma boarder. There is the world’s greatest rest stop. Clean air conditioned bathrooms, visitor center, free wifi. Look for it, all you future Earth Walkers.

- I drove by THE WORLD’S LARGEST CROSS…..on the western hemisphere. I believe the church put it up to make the point that our God is an Awesome God. Noted.

- I make it to Oklahoma City and onto the hotel. Howard Johnson is a very hospitable man.

Until Tomorrow.

Fighting Cold in Heat

Day 3 7.18.06 Stayed in Albuquerque

(Bear with me with the out of order entries. They’ll be in order in a couple days)

I decided to spend the day in Albuquerque in order to get the trip logistics straight, fight my cold and take it easy. So no watching an Albuquerque Isotopes game. (Is this Springfield or Albuquerque?) Oh well.

Here are some random notes:

- Had a Frito Pie a.k.a. heaven in a bowl. Can’t remember if it was my first time or not.

- If all you had to do to make a meal a “New Mexican meal” was throw some green chili on top of it, then I’m on board.

- There were 2 lightning storms today. As I was ordering a frosty at Wendy’s (it’s hot even at night!), I asked the kid behind the counter, who was giving himself an imaginary light show, if there’s a lot of lightning in this area. He said yeah, then went back to giving himself an imaginary light show. Well, ok. That settles that.

- Judging from the cars in this city, FF3: Tokyo Drift must’ve been a huge hit here in Albuquerque.

- Went to what was supposed to be the best sliced beef in Albuquerque, Powdrell’s BBQ. Excellent stuff. It lived up to the hype. As I was waiting for my food, Mr. Powdrell and I struck up an conversation, and he told me how GW Bush was caught saying “shit” in front of the press (I later couldn’t find any story on it. Did it really happen?). I mentioned how this wasn’t the first time something like this has happened to him. Then that opened the floodgates for Mr. Powdrell to do a little GW bashing. Ahhh, if only for a moment, it felt like I was home.

And yes, I asked if he was related to Ryan Powdrell on the USC football team. He said, pretty confidently, no, he wasn’t.

Ok, I need to need to get better for my long driving tomorrow.

Entering Uncharted Territory

Day 1 7.16.06 Drive from Moreno Valley, CA to Kayenta, AZ

(Note: I know this is out of order. You don't have to remind me)

Ok, so I guess this was the official Day 1 of my Walkabout the Earth, after the Day 0.5 trek from L.A. to Moreno Valley. The real deal. The trip, the journey, the adventure. What am I thinking? I headed onto the I15 N toward Bartow, a familiar route to all Vegas travelers. It was a good way to ease into my trip; taking a road I’d seen dozens of times before. I stopped in Barstow to grab a bite at “The World’s Greatest Del Taco”(as it’s been described to me by Marc’s co-worker Andrew), but the secret was out. The place was packed and there was a line out the door. I decided to leave (I’ll try again on the flipside of my trip), but I got a glimpse of the greatness before I left. Table service, condiments at the table, larger portions. It wouldn’t surprise me if there was an attendant in the bathroom.

I decided to visit my first flying J. I know it was gonna play an important part of my trip, an oasis in the lonely stretches of highway. For those who don’t know, Flying J’s are travel stops with a gas station, restaurant, and store with everything from CB Radios to crappy Travis Tritt CDs. There’s even a rest area with a washroom and showers. It has everything for all you aspiring truckers out there. (BTW, Flying J sounds like a “move” in the same vein as the Dirty Sanchez and Cleveland Steamer, right?) I do my requisite eating, pumping, and buying drinks. Now I’m ready to keep on truckin’.

When you normally drive to Vegas from So Cal, you shoot straight up the I15 after the 10. And in Barstow there’s a huge turnoff onto the I 40 to Needles. I’ve never taken it. You’ve never taken it (well, most of you). And, well, I took it for the first time. The first step into uncharted territory.

Things were pretty uneventful for a while. The 40 in Cali looks like the 15 stretch from Barstow to Nevada. I made it to the Arizona border. One state down, dozens more to go. Then I drove through Flagstaff, which looked like a forest and desert where fighting for control over the land. That’s the only way I could describe it. After Flagstaff, things started to get interesting. It started getting dark and I’m taking a small two lane road to Kayenta with no light anywhere. Why Kayenta, AZ, you ask? Well, it’s the closest city before Monument Valley, my first destination in Walking the Earth.


Well, I finally made it and it appeared I didn’t make a reservation at the Anastazi Inn but at the Scariest Hotel in The World. It seemed to be abandoned and almost none of the lights were on! All that was missing was a creepy house at the top of the hill with the silhouette of an old woman in the bedroom window. As I walked to the front desk, I passed a Navajo teen that was casually showing a switchblade to another kid. They eyed me like they wanted to take my wallet and my spirit, or am I just paranoid? So I guess my walking the earth would only last one day before I was to be gutted at the Anastazi Inn in Kayenta, AZ. Love you, Mom! I knew this place was trouble when, the night before, I was placing my reservation and the lady didn’t know how to spell Phillip. It wasn’t “is that one L or two?” but “is that L-L-U-P?”

Well, I get my key and I head over to my room. I count the number of cars: 4. I count the number of hotel sections: 4. They put each of us in a separate section and not together. I guess it makes it easier pickin for them. I’ve already come to grips to what’s gonna happen to me.

So I quickly get to my room, and lock the door. I use all the locks and wedge a chair in the doorknob for good measure. Then I realize what a crappy room it is! It’s hot because the AC doesn’t work well and the bathroom linoleum has water damage. But it’s no time to complain because this will be my sanctuary for the night.

I pray to God, Allah, Buddha, and Xenu cause you never know.

I try to sleep in the hot room, and right before I pass out, I swear I hear a wolf howl.

Let’s hope I’m around for Day 2.

Note to self: only stay at AAA approved motels. AAA will be your guardian angel on this trip.

Melting Away in the Dirty Dirty

Day 5 7.20.06 Drive from Oklahoma City to Memphis

(Note: I know, I know. What happened to days 1-4, right? It's coming, this one was just ready first. Give me a break, ok? Walking the earth is very time consuming)

I’ll give you a running diary of a day that’s primarily a travel day (it may be a little too Sports Guy-ish. Haha, you’re clever if you notice. You deserve a clever award):

10:32am - Woke up late again, but I deserved to sleep in….feeling 100 % better, now I’m just coughing up phlem.

11:10am – Checked out

11:15am - Ate at Cracker Barrel for the first time. Wait….let me rephrase that, Oh My God, I ate at the Cracker friggin’ Barrel!!! It puts all other chain diner type restaurants (Carrows, Cocos, Denny’s, and even Norm’s!) to shame. I had the chicken fried steak. I wouldn’t be surprised if they put crack in the food at the Cracker Barrel.

12:10pm – Decided to mix things up and listen to the Christian rock station for a while. I’m about to get crazy with some Michael W. Smith and Third World (30 Days, season 2, premieres July 26!) You think I’m kidding? No way, brotha.

12:15pm – As I exit gas station, a family packed into a small sedan with Texas plates gives me the hook’em horns sign out of their car. Six hands in total, hanging out the windows. I forgive them, for they know not what what they do.

12:16pm - I turn off the Christian Rock station and decide to listen to Elvis and Blues on my ipod to prep for Memphis. What just happened?

12:20pm – Now I’m feeling an odd mixture of anger and amusement right now. It’s obvious they did that because I had California plates, but do they think all Californians are rabid SC fans? Don’t they know SC’s not the only major college in LA, let alone all of CA? There are no indicators on me or my car that I am a USC fan. I mean, they hit the nail right on head by taunting me, but still. It was pure luck. Also, we’re in friggin’ Sooner land right now! Their insults lose half their potency by being in neutral territory. I’m fuming right now. They looked like a clan of typical rednecks. You know how those rednecks look. All their clothes are raggedy and have a consistent dirty color. You don’t know whether they spent too much time in the sun last month or they just have a thin layer of dirt on them (kinda like how Fergie from BEP looks). It’s no big deal. I’ll just keep on driving.


12:40pm - Visited Oklahoma City memorial. What a wonderful memorial for a tragic day. I’ll keep this apolitical, but I’m glad I saw this.

2:00pm – We’re rolling now! I’m on my way to Memphis, and the scenery is great. The land we belong to is grand, indeed!

4:00pm - Entered Arkansas. The humidity is ungodly. I turned off to get gas, and what do I see? A Drive thru Pizza by the slice joint. It does exist guys!! I don’t care if it taste like cardboard, I’m getting some out of principle.

5:00pm – Arkansas is very forest-like Did I tell you the heat and humidity is ungodly?

7:55pm – Crossing The Mississippi. The Mighty Mississip. The Old Miss. The Old Man. Entering Memphis.

8:02pm - Oh yeah, I gotta pick a hotel to stay at.

8:05pm - The Clarion looks like a good, affordable choice. The actual Heartbreak Hotel(not on lonely street though) is an intriguing choice, but I don’t know if I’m willing to pay $100 for kitsch.

9:00pm – I check in but the hotel doesn’t give out any Ethernet cables. So I decide to take an adventure to go get one. I head over to Walmart, and let me tell you, driving to Walmart at night looked like I was driving through a Juvenille video. Love you, Mom!

9:40pm – Got the cable and I see a Krystals, which is kinda like White Castle. I know it’s not gonna sit well with me later, but I gotta try it once.

Tomorrow, Graceland, Sun Records, and onto Nashville!

Wassup Rockers!

Right now I'm at a Comfort Inn in Allbuquerque, New Mexico, the quintessential Route 66 town. This is after driving from L.A., to Moreno Valley, CA, to Kayenta, AZ, to Monument Vallley. I've been writing up a detailed account of everything that happened thus far, and I promise I'll give it to you tomorrow night, when I'm in Oklahoma City. The thing is, I've been slowed down. In a nutshell, I got sick. Two days into the trip and I already get sick. I blame the Navajos. They probably put some kind of sickness on my blanket because of the hat I was wearing.

In the meantime let me give you a potpourri of stuff about the trip so far:


The Official Walkabout the Earth Scoreboard:

# of Dead elk on side of highway: 1
# of Flying J’s visited: 1
# of Thunderstorms driven through: 2
# of Shady hotels with sketchy Navajos hanging in front that I stayed at: 1
# of sheep encountered: around 15
# of times stared down by old men: 3
# of times mistaken for a Navajo: 2


Fun facts

Distance traveled thus far: 1124 miles
Official snack food and drink of walking the Earth: Funyuns and Lipton’s Unsweeted Iced Tea.
Official album of walking the Earth: Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid Sountrack


Top 3 best foods during the trip thus far:

1. Frito Pie (66 Diner)
2. Sliced Beef BBQ brisket (Powdrell's BBQ)
3. BBQ Pork ribs (Powdrell's BBQ)


Top 3 most surprisingly useful items on trip:

1. Surge Protector
2. Bottle of Multivitamins
3. Umbrella

Here's another pic. It'll be used as reference for "before." I can't wait to see what after looks like.

Good Evening, o my brothers and sisters,

This is just a mini entry, mostly to test all the ins and outs of this blog site. I'll write up a full entry when I'm out of the state.

To sum up: I've escaped from L.A., staying at my brothers's place in the I.E., and playing with my nephew.